


Catch My Fall

by brokenhighways



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Anxiety, Christmas Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Existential Crisis, Humor, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28340817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: When Jensen gets hurt and has to recuperate at his friend's house for the holidays he finds that his friend's annoying brother, Jared, is the epitome of Christmas cheer.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 34
Kudos: 141
Collections: 2020 Supernatural & CWRPF Holiday Exchange





	Catch My Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Theatregirl7299](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatregirl7299/gifts).



> For Milana (aka theatregirl7299). I hope you enjoy this story! I used one of your prompts and tried to incorporate as many of your likes as I could. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and wish you a happy and successful 2021! ❤

It began with Jensen dancing to Lady Gaga while half-naked on top of a bar.

Okay, fine.

It started when Jensen made the _smallest_ mistake at work and his boss made his life a living hell for the next six months.

Wait.

Maybe the wheels were set in motion two years ago when he was unceremoniously dumped via text by a guy he was slumming it with anyway.

The point being Jensen had been on a very long streak of bad luck when he fell off the bar top, landed on his ass and broke his left ankle. He didn't just hit rock bottom, he _hit_ his bottom, ending up with a bruised coccyx and dented pride.

The resulting video made its way around his friend group for days and Jensen took it on the chin until he realised there was no way he was going to make it home for the holidays. Plus, he lived alone and didn't have anyone to help out around his apartment.

He was screwed.

"You can stay with me," his best friend, Kyle, offered when he came to visit Jensen at the hospital. "Jared and I own my dad's old house. We're all going to be gathering there for the holidays. You should come. I'm out of town for two weeks for that business trip so you can _finally_ get to know Jared."

Jensen curled his lips, hoping he was conveying nothing but disdain. "I already know him."

Kyle quirked an eyebrow. "Are you still mad about the Sharpie moustache? Cuz that was hilarious, man."

Jensen had a good sense of humour.

... and a very fragile ego.

The Sharpie moustache still rankled.

"He's loud and _annoying_ , Kyle," Jensen protested."Seriously. Isn't there anyone else who can stay with me?"

"Sorry, man. You're lucky he's there at all. Besides, you can pay him back for the moustache by being the _worst_ patient ever."

"You're a good friend, Kyle." Jensen paused. "And a terrible brother."

+

Jensen moved in three days later, bringing two duffel bags and his laptop with him. Technically, he was on sick leave, but he knew his boss. The work still needed to be done broken ankle or not. Kyle helped him settle in before he took off for his business trip, leaving him with Jared who was whistling Christmas tunes under his breath like it wasn't an _entire_ month away.

"Did you _really_ break your leg dancing to Britney?" Jared asked him on that first day after he'd hovered around Jensen for two hours. He was wearing a stupid Christmas hat and pinning up _stockings_.

"Go away." Jensen wasn't trying to be rude, he just couldn't help himself. "... and it was Lady Gaga, not Britney. And I have a broken _ankle_."

Jared took it in his stride, laughing like it was all a big joke. "You're cute when you're grumpy. Do you want some candy canes to cheer you up?"

He held out the trademark red and white curved sticks and Jensen shook his head. He wasn't even going to touch that.

"I'm not grumpy," he said instead. "I'm _irritated_ that I'm stuck here instead of going to see my family."

It'd been a stressful year and the _one_ thing he was looking for was spending Christmas with his family. He was already missing Thanksgiving due to work not giving him enough time off, but Christmas too? It was a downer.

Jared hummed nonchalantly like he was no longer interested. "We're not so bad. There's always entertainment here. Last year, my cousin told his wife he'd been cheating on her."

"How did that work out for him?"

"Surprisingly well?" Jared gave him a crooked smile. "This year he's bringing his new girlfriend. She's pregnant and half his age."

"Of course she is."

Jared laughed, glancing at his watch before he pulled a face. "I have to get to work."

"Oh." Jensen was quietly pleased he'd have some alone time. So far, Jared was being decent, but Jensen's mood was where it always was - in the gutter. With pain meds in his system and a heavy cast on his ankle, cranky was an understatement. He would be grateful for a few hours of peace.

Naturally, Jared's next words were: "I'll be upstairs if you need anything."

"Upstairs?" Jensen raised his eyebrow.

"I'm a graphic designer. I work from home."

"Oh, god." Jensen's mouth ran away from him before he could catch it.

"Is there a problem?" Jared seemed wary, like Jensen's abrasive nature was starting to chip away at his bubbly exterior.

"No." Jensen's smile was forced. "Thank you for being here."

Jared grinned suddenly. "This is about the moustache, isn't it?"

"That's the _least_ bad thing you've done."

"What else have I done to offend you, Jensen?" Jared was visibly amused, his eyes twinkling like it was his job to be _annoying._

"Lots of things. There was that time you put water in my boots. The stink bomb in my car. The dead fish you mailed to my apartment. Oh, and awful play you gave Kyle tickets for three years ago."

"What does the play have to do with anything?" Jared says. "And hey, I don't just prank anybody, you know? You're on an esteemed list."

"I took my ex-boyfriend to see that play. He dumped me six months later."

Jared's mouth dropped open, his eyes wide with innocence. "And that's _my_ fault?"

"Probably."

"We don't know each enough for you to have all this animosity."

"We don't need to. You're attractive, you're always happy and Kyle has nothing but good things to say about you. Why _wouldn't_ I hate you?"

Jared's lips twisted into a smirk, and Jensen resisted the urge to throw a cushion at him. "Have you considered therapy?"

"Hating you _is_ my therapy."

Jensen wasn't being strictly serious. Mostly he wanted Jared to leave him alone, but the kid wasn't reacting the way most people did.

"Kyle talks about you a lot too. He says you're a grumpy, bitchy Care Bear underneath the snarky exterior."

"That is a bald-faced lie."

"If you say so."

+

Unwarranted snark, aside, Jared genuinely was an irritating person. He talked over movies. Chewed his potato chips at an unacceptable level and had a knack of putting on footwear only to discard it two seconds later. He wore Christmas hats _and_ sweaters and insisted on writing a stack of Christmas cards because _'greeting cards will never go out of style'_.

Needless to say, by day three, Jensen lost it. He flung his crutches to the ground and stood there, unable to move now he'd tossed away his support.

"Is everything okay?" Jared was eyeing him warily like he didn't know he was the source of Jensen's consternation.

"We need to set some ground rules."

"We?" Jared laughed. "This is _my_ house."

"And I'm a guest. You're supposed to treat me well."

"You've told me you hate me at least three times today."

Jensen frowned. "Okay, well. I'm cranky. I'm in pain. Give me a break."

"Bullshit." Jared's sullen expression was alien. Jensen had never seen him look so serious. "You don't like me. And it's not because of the Sharpie incident. It's because I went on _one_ date with your stupid ex-boyfriend."

"You did _what_?" Jensen wondered why he was more upset about Jared dating someone than which of his ex-boyfriends it was. He promptly dismissed it because but didn't matter. He wasn't going to go down that road. Not now.

"Ah." Jared's face relaxed somewhat. "Kyle didn't tell you?"

"No, he didn't."

Jared nodded. "Back to these ground rules then…"

"You went on a date with...Tom?"

Well. Maybe he _was_ heading down that road because if Kyle kept it from him, it could only be one person. Tom, the resident asshole whose superpower seemed to be inflicting misery.

It had to be Tom. He was the only one close enough to be in Jared's league in terms of looks - and even then, he still didn't measure up.

"It was less of a date and more of a ' _hey_ , _you're ridiculously attractive and I'm broke buy me drinks_ ' life experience. I didn't realise he was your ex until Kyle told me."

"How did that work out for you?" Jensen was curious to see if Tom treated everyone like shit or if he was just the unlucky one.

Jared shifted uncomfortably and raised his shoulder in a half shrug. "Let's just say there wasn't a second date."

"That sounds like Tom," Jensen muttered, wondering for the umpteenth time how he managed to date the guy for _six_ full months.

"From what Kyle said, you and him were quite the couple."

"We were enamoured by how good we looked together, sure. We were never really a couple. And before we veer off track - that's not why I hate you."

"So you _do_ hate me?"

Jensen blinked at him. "I feel like I've made it painfully clear."

+

Over the next few days, Jared was only around to help Jensen in and out of the bathroom and with whatever he needed picked up and cleaned. Jared was so efficient in carrying out the tasks that Jensen wondered if he'd been replaced by a robot. This new Jared didn't speak. He didn't chew loudly. He didn't make a peep.

Kyle called not long after Jared began to exhibit strange behaviour, opening the call with, "Dude, did you tell my brother you _hated_ him?"

"Since when do you refer to him as your brother?" Jensen asked, knowing fully well Kyle was trying to guilt him.

"Look, Jensen, it hasn't even been a week. I know you're going through a tough time, but you're not the only one. Knock it off."

"Alright, alright...It's just sarcasm, man. I don't _actually_ hate him."

"I don't care. He deals with enough shit from his birth father. Don't add to it."

Kyle cut off without so much as asking how Jensen was which meant he was _pissed_. On one hand, Jensen couldn't believe Jared tattled, on the other he could be nicer. This mean, angry guy wasn't him and... it was exhausting putting a front up.

"Was that Kyle?" Jared's voice startled Jensen suddenly and he slipped, crutches wobbling unsteadily beneath him until warm hands steadied his shoulders and uprighted the crutches.

Jensen flashed him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Jared."

"I was expecting you to tell me to eat shit and die," Jared said, not bothering to return the smile, although the corner of his mouth twitched and just like that Jensen knew they would be okay.

"It crossed my mind."

Jared's smile barely met his eyes and Jensen swallowed down his pride, and said. "I don't hate you and I _am_ grateful you're helping me out. I'm sorry for being a jerk."

"You're not sorry."

"Are you a mind reader now?"

"No," Jared said wistfully. "I just know a bullshit apology when I hear one."

"Look, I've been on this... losing streak in life lately, and I'm just in a bad mood. Constantly. You're always so damn happy. I guess I envy that."

"Has it ever occurred to you I'm good at pretending?" Jared ducked his head in an uncharacteristic display of uncertainty.

"No. You're always so... _you_ and...why would you be pretending?"

"It's none of your business," Jared said, stepping back before adding, "You've made it clear that you're not interested."

Jared walked away leaving Jensen feeling like he'd crushed him.

+

The following day, Jared left early in the morning citing a client meeting, although Jensen got the feeling it was about him. Kyle confirmed as much when he called to ask him something.

"Jensen, when I said to be a terrible houseguest, I was _joking_. You know that, right?"

"I haven't been that bad, have I? Did he say something about me?"

"Only that you quote-unquote 'hate him' and that I lied when I said you were a great guy."

"Well, that's true. You _did_ lie. I'm half-great at best."

"Jensen."

The smile dropped from his lips at Kyle's serious tone and Jensen knew he'd fucked up.

"You know, I think maybe we should hire you a nurse who can help you at your apartment."

"What?" Jensen said. "I'm not an invalid! Anyway, I called because I wanted to order dinner tonight to thank Jared. I wanted to know what his favourite is."

"Thai food." Kyle cleared his throat. "You're not secretly trying to poison him are you?"

"I come in peace. I promise. I know I've been a shitty houseguest, and I want to make it up to him."

"You better, Jensen. Or I'll kick your ass."

+

Jared was indifferent when he answered the door and brought in the different bags of take out. The smell of spicy shrimp soup hit Jensen's nose and his stomach grumbled. After days of not being able to hit the gym, he'd skipped lunch in anticipation of dinner and he was starving.

"Did you order this?" Jared held the bags up, keeping his eyes downcast like he thought he'd erupt into flames if he so much as _looked_ at Jensen.

"Yeah," Jensen says. "It's your favourite and I've been an asshole so…"

Jared looked up with his brow raised in question. "You're trying to buy your way into my good books."

It was the way he said it. Like he'd been here before and let down each time. Jensen was suddenly awash with _shame_. At how far he'd sunk and how badly he'd been treating Jared.

"I'm sorry, Jared."

"For what exactly? Making me feel unwelcome in my own home? Hating me because I'm happy? You don't even know me."

"Maybe I'd like to."

Jensen snapped his mouth shut. Those words weren't supposed to fall out. They were meant to stay hidden away in the vestiges of his mind. Buried deep where no one would ever find them, not even him.

"What?" Jared's eyes were wide.

"I... I'm an asshole," Jensen defaulted back to his earlier words. "Just give me a second chance?"

"At what?"

"At becoming friends?" Jensen only had to say it to know he wasn't interested in _just_ friends, and it explained the way he'd been acting since he moved in.

Since he _met_ Jared all those years ago.

"Fine. You get _one_ chance and the second you do something wrong, I'm taking a vow of silence."

"Deal."

+

When the following morning came around, it was like someone had dropped an anvil on Jensen's life. His pain relief wasn't working. He felt hot and cold at the same time. He was cranky, tired, hungry and all he wanted was to be alone. When he saw Jared he waited to feel that urge - the automatic sarcasm that masked his ability to say how he felt.

It didn't come.

Instead, he said nothing. He nodded when Jared said good morning. Hummed when Jared asked if he wanted coffee. Shook his head when Jared offered to douse his waffles in maple syrup - like they were in _Canada_ for Pete's sake - and eventually, Jared downed tools and stared at him.

"Anyone ever told you that you have a _terrible_ poker face?"

Jensen shrugged. "I never was any good at pretending."

"You're pretending right now. I can see that you're cranky. You're tired. In pain. You don't have to keep everything bottled inside. You just need to... watch where you direct it."

It was like a dam burst and Jensen felt a stream of words gushing out.

"I feel like _nothing_ is ever okay. I wake up and I feel the same way I did yesterday or _worse_ and... it's like I don't see the light anymore. Somewhere along the line, it became easier to focus on the bad. I don't want to be like that, Jared. I don't want to hurt people like you who…"

Jensen trailed off, suddenly scared that he'd say too much. They were finally on the right track, the last thing he needed to do was unload his burden onto Jared.

"Kyle told me about your dad," he added.

It seemed his brain to mouth filter was having an off day too.

"My dad?" Jared's brow furrowed and it occurred to Jensen that Kyle had phrased it differently.

"Your birth father. He said you dealt with enough drama with him. It sounds like a sticky situation."

Jared's expression cleared and his eyes became stormy for a brief second. "He's a troubled man. Sometimes, he tries to come around. Be the man he _used_ to... but it's too hard. For him. For me."

"I'm sorry that things aren't better."

"Yeah, well, I have my stepfather. I have Kyle. My family. I have to focus on them."

"What about you?" Jared adds. "What's your reason for hating the world?"

This is usually the point where Jensen would lay the snark on _thick_ lest anyone ever see the real him. Yet, Jared had infiltrated his defenses and it felt like the most natural thing to speak freely.

"It took an ex dumping me for me to realise that I don't know what I want. And I still resent him for that. I resent the world for forcing me to go through a monotonous life while figuring out what it is I want."

"Ah," Jared said. "You're one of those."

"One of what?"

Jared's flash of a smile didn't reach his eyes. "You're always so worried about the future that you never see what's in front of you."

Jensen's immediate instinct was to deny it, but goosebumps slid across the back of his neck and his mouth went dry. That was _exactly_ how he was. There was a constant worry about what would happen, and not enough focus on his life right now. It was something he battled in silence, never trusting anyone enough to share his feelings.

Except Jared had seen right through him.

"I just wish I was someone who knew what their purpose was. That's it. Kinda feels like I'm making it up as I go along."

"Or maybe you _know_ what you want?" Jared said. "Partially, at least. I don't mean to sound all preachy - I get how you feel, believe me. I've been there."

Jensen thought about it and there was one thing that _always_ came up when he got whimsical about life. "I suppose I _do_ know. I want someone who understands me. Who knows why I am the way I am but... they accept me anyway."

"Kind of like the guy who let you move into his house and didn't kick you out when you told him you hated him?"

Jensen breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the inner glow illuminating Jared's eyes, and knew that he was not offended.

"Yeah, I guess so…" he trailed off, unsure where his forthrightness had flown off to. He wished he could be as open as Jared, but he wasn't at that point yet.

"I've always liked you, Jensen. And I'm always here if you want to talk."

"Thank you, Jared. If you ever want to bounce anything off me... I'm here, too."

They shared a glance, and a slow smile formed on Jared's face. Jensen could hear his heartbeat thundering in his chest and he shivered.

"Are you okay?" Jared raised his eyebrows in question and all Jensen wanted to do was close the distance between them and find out if Jared felt the same way he did.

Terrifying as that thought was, it was the most he'd felt _alive_ in months.

"Yeah," he said. "I'm okay. I'm with you."

+

The first time Jensen met Jared was at Kyle's birthday party three years earlier. He was down because his boyfriend at the time was uninterested in anything beyond the sheets, and he felt alone and miserable. After trying to duck out of the party without success, he turned up with an upside upside-down that told people he wasn't there to have fun.

He secured himself a seat, commandeered the ranch chips and dip and sat there on Kyle's ratty couch feeling sorry for himself.

"Are you going to sit here and pout all night?" Kristen, his good friend and Kyle's girlfriend, asked. "It won't kill you to have some fun."

"I can get up and make a speech if you want?" Jensen fired back. "I'll make it extra long and embarrassing. Just say the word."

Kristen wrinkled her nose. "Fine, Holden Caulfield. Mope away."

She bounded away and found Kyle, and Jensen watched them look at each other with heart eyes and hated that he wanted the same thing so badly. He took a large swig of beer and looked away, counting down the seconds until he could leave.

Twenty minutes later, someone plopped onto the couch next to him, stole the bowl of chips and replaced it with another can of beer. Jensen looked up, fully prepared to lay into whoever dared to mess with his chips and he was transfixed by a pair of blue-green eyes and the floppy brown hair threatening to conceal them.

After he regained his senses, he narrowed his eyes and asked, "Do I know you?"

Blue-Green's lips curved into a smile, shadowed by twin dimples and Jensen fell right there and then.

_You have a boyfriend_ , his mind supplied, but he bit back a snort. Boyfriend was an exaggeration at best.

"I'm Jared. Kyle's stepbrother."

Jensen's heart plummeted to his feet. Kyle was fiercely protective over his family and Jared was no exception.

"Oh." Jensen pretended not to notice when Jared's smile dimmed. "I'm Jensen. His friend. It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"You too, Jensen." Jared shifted on the couch, catching Jensen's bare arm with his own. Jensen shivered at the touch, revelling in the warmth of Jared's skin bleeding into him.

"Care to explain _why_ you're sitting here by yourself?"

"I'm not really in the party mood," Jensen said, "...But Kyle is one of my closest friends, so... I had to show up."

"Why not?" Jared smiled at Jensen's questioning look and added, "Why aren't you in the party mood?"

"I would tell you, but we'd be here all night."

"Luckily for you, I'm not doing anything tomorrow. I've got all night."

The smile broke free before Jensen could stop it and Jared lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You should do that more."

"Do what?"

Jared reached out and tapped his jaw gently, a complete violation of his personal space, but done with enough delicateness that Jensen didn't mind.

"Smile. You should smile more."

+

With that memory rolling inside his head, Jensen made his way down to breakfast a week after his deep conversation with Jared. He was able to move around somewhat without the crutches, although the cast would be on a little while longer. Jensen was happy he didn't require as much assistance. Getting stuck in the shower once was bad enough, but _three_ times?

He shuddered just _thinking_ about it.

Jensen was about to walk into the kitchen when he realised the door was shut and muffled voices were bleeding through the tiny crack.

"I thought you needed space," an unfamiliar voice was saying. "I gave you space. What more do you want?"

"I told you to leave me alone," Jared said, his voice cold and mirthless. "For good. I didn't say anything about space."

"You were upset, you didn't mean it."

"I meant every word!" Jared retorted and it was obvious he was angry.

There was a pause and someone shuffled around. Jensen held his breath, praying that no one was headed towards the door. His balance wasn't that great and the last thing he needed was to injure himself _again_.

"You can't keep doing this to me, Justin."

The pain in Jared's voice is what propelled Jensen forward. Whoever this guy was, he needed to leave. _Now._

He pushed the door open and said, "Hey, Jare--oh, I didn't realise we had company."

Jared glared at the guy in question, a tall blonde-haired and - as much as Jensen didn't want to acknowledge it - _attractive_ man. "Justin was just leaving."

Justin seemed surprised. Surprised to see Jensen. Surprised to hear he was being thrown out.

"Who the hell is he?" Justin growled, jabbing a crooked finger in Jensen's direction. "My replacement?"

Jared stared Justin down, eerily still for what seemed like an age before he delivered his parting blow. "I can't replace what I never had."

Justin's face shifted from anger to guilt and he stood there, no doubt stunned by his inadequacies. "I'm sorry, Jay, I am."

_Jay,_ Jensen's mind parroted. _So, this guy is clearly not just a friend._

"You don't know how to be sorry."

Jensen hobbled further into the kitchen and said, "Well, I'm _hungry_ , so... it seems like you're done here."

Justin barely spared a glance at Jensen but his composure shifted and with one last searching look at Jared, he left through the kitchen door that led to the patio.

Without missing a beat, Jared smiled at Jensen and beckoned at the fridge. "How do you like your eggs?"

"Sunnyside up."

Jensen wanted to talk about what just happened, but he didn't want to push it. Jared deserved his privacy, no matter how much Jensen wanted to be his knight in shining armour.

Jared took out the crate of eggs and froze. Jensen shuffled closer trying not to put any pressure on his ankle. "Everything okay?"

Jared blinked sluggishly like his mind was somewhere else and it was taking a second to come back to the present. "Uh, yeah. Yeah. I think I need to just... take a minute."

Jensen reached out and took the eggs from him, before cradling Jared's hands in his own. "Take as long as you want."

"You should probably sit down."

"What?" Jensen stared at him, his mind busy searching for ways he could make this situation better.

"... because of your ankle. You should... you should sit down."

Jared was upset about his conversation with Justin, but he was _still_ looking out for him.

It might have been what anyone else would do, but it warmed Jensen's heart all the same.

+

Thanksgiving dawned on them not long after and the house was awash with family members. After _one_ day of meeting various family members and feeling completely left out, Jensen decided he was well enough to go back home. He packed up all his things and used the backdrop of people coming and going to sneak out.

"Going somewhere?" Jared was standing on the street, an unlit cigarette dangling out of his mouth.

Without thinking, Jensen reached out and took it. He tossed it on the ground and crushed it, grinding it to pieces with his sneakers.

"Since when do _you_ smoke?"

Jared flushed. "I don't. Well, I used to, but I quit. I wasn't going to smoke it. Scout's honour."

"You would be a terrible boy scout."

"Coming from the guy who hates everything."

Jensen fought back a smile, but it won anyway. "What are _you_ doing out here?"

"It's a huge adjustment. From my grumpy roommate to my entire family. Figured I'd escape whenever I can. I see you skipped that point and went straight to running away."

"I'm not…" Jensen glared up at him. "I'm not running away."

"Really?" Jared's face was passive and Jensen hated that he couldn't read it. He couldn't see beyond the surface and deduce the true meaning behind Jared's words.

"Really. I'm just leaving. I don't want to impose and...I don't want to have to sit there and pretend that I'm okay when I'm not. I just... need to figure some things out."

"I get that." Jared looked disappointed even as he pressed his lips into a small smile. "I guess I'll see you when I see you."

Jared turned to head back inside, but Jensen couldn't let him go.

"We can still hang out... you know if you're free."

"Sure." Jared's lips upturned into a grin. "We can hang out."

+

Jensen was spraying Febreze to get rid of the musty odor in his apartment - and wondering why he didn't hire someone to clean it before he returned - when his doorbell rang.

For a second, his heart jumped - the only person who knew he was here was Jared - and _Kyle_ who was now standing in the doorway with an unimpressed expression on his face.

"Kyle? What are you doing here?"

Kyle didn't even beat around the bush, he jumped straight to it. "You like my brother."

"Nice to see you too," Jensen muttered. He stepped aside and let Kyle in, kicking the door shut with his good foot. He grimaced when it hurt anyway and berated himself for being stupid.

"I wanted you to stay for Thanksgiving. Especially if you're going to be by yourself. Why did you leave?"

Jensen wished he could come up with some bullshit excuse that ticked all the right boxes, but Jared was right.

He'd run away.

"I'm only going to kill the mood."

Kyle frowned. "Dude... what is going on with you? What's up?"

"I just need a breather. From work. From life. From everything. Lately, I just... Can't see the good. And...Jared _did_ help, but I need to figure my shit out. I can't do that at your house. I can't dump my shit on Jared."

"Alright, man." Kyle swallowed audibly, head bowed down like he wanted to say something else. Instead, he looked up. "Jared's outside. He was worried about you. Do you want me to tell him to leave?"

"No... I'll talk to him."

Kyle's nod was pained, like Jensen's words had struck him like a knife to the chest. Perhaps they had. The thing was that this wasn't the relationship they had. They didn't do long emotional talks. They didn't do _deep_ and Jensen couldn't lose what they had.

Their friendship meant too much to him.

"Jensen."

He looked up noting that Jared now stood in the spot Kyle was in a minute earlier.

"Jared…"

Jared glanced back at the door. "I think Kyle thinks you don't trust him."

"It's not that." Jensen pinched his brow and exhaled messily. This is why he kept everything inside. He didn't want to let his friends down or make them feel bad. He didn't want _his_ issues to bleed over anyone else, staining them with his misery.

"I know, but... once upon a time, I was like you. I was so freaked out by going to him over my shit and then one day he sat me down and told me to spit it the fuck out."

Jared laughed, eyes crinkled like he was trapped in a memory. "He might not have the best way with words, but he's a good listener. I promise."

"I know." Jensen swallowed and decided to put the truth out there and deal with whatever curveballs that came his way. "It's just that... the only person I feel comfortable talking about this stuff with is you."

Silence dawned on them, and for a moment he wondered if he'd gone too far.

He didn't have to wonder for too long.

Jared stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "Well then, in that case, I'm here."

+

Jensen fared better at Christmas. He was able to get a late flight to Texas and he slept in his childhood bedroom, drank eggnog and stuffed his face with ham until he couldn't move anymore. He pressed pause on the mental merry-go-round and allowed himself to feel loved and taken care of.

The return flight brought the brightness to a swift end. The second the plane touched back on the tarmac, the feelings came back. The gloominess which threatened to engulf him every time. At this point, his therapist was busy walking him through the early years. Trying to get to the route of the issue and he wanted to yank the notebook out of her hand and tell her to get to the good part. Get to the part where he didn't wake up and feel like it was all a dream. Like his life wasn't his.

When he saw Jared for the first time on New Year's Eve, he kept his feelings to himself. It's not that he couldn't talk to Jared, he just didn't want to be _that_ guy. The one who made it about himself and his issues.

"How's it going with Harley Quinn?"

That's the name Jensen gave his therapist after he got there for the third session to find her in green eyeshadow and dark red lipstick. It looked _good_ , but he found it kind of strange she didn't stick to more dulcet tones like, brown or - whatever. It's not like he was an expert at that stuff. If anything he wished some of her daring spirit would rub off on him and force him to make the necessary changes in his life.

"It's not too bad. She assures me that I'm _not_ crazy, so you're safe with me."

"You're doing that thing where you try to distract me with humour because you don't want to answer the question."

Jared didn't let him get away the wisecrack and Jensen silently thanked him - as painful as it was letting someone else in, the payoff was _always_ worth it.

Especially with Jared.

Not that he was going to let _him_ know that.

"And you're doing that thing where you call me out even though we're at a party."

"Fine. Promise me we'll talk about it later?"

Jensen held out his hand. "I'll _even_ pinky swear."

Jared let it go after that and they mingled and caught up on what they'd missed over Christmas. Jared told him about a client that called him twelve times _on_ Christmas Day and Jensen told him about how his parents were planning to come and visit and how it felt like they were checking up on him.

"They're your parents, Jensen. Maybe they're just worried about you."

"I know... I just wish my mind didn't process that as me screwing up somehow."

"I think it's normal. No matter how old you are, you always want to live up to your parents' expectations of you. It's how we're conditioned."

"I guess you're right."

Jared grinned. "I'm _always_ right. Now come on, let's go and get a good spot for when the countdown starts."

When the clock struck midnight, Jared leaned in and kissed him.

On the cheek.

+

Jensen was a lousy cook, so every time his parents came into town he ordered food and brought out his best silverware. Everything was going according to plan until he had his _Bridget Jones's Diary_ moment and ended up coming out of the shower with half an hour to spare.

In a world where everything was a delivery away, Jensen picked the _one_ restaurant that didn't deliver _at all_. It was part of their charm, but in this instance, he was pissed at himself. It's not like his parents would judge him because he wasn't a master chef but he seemed to crumble under the pressure to be the perfect son.

His phone buzzed, and Jensen realised he hadn't checked it for an hour. He picked it up and saw a text from Jared.

_Didn't hear from you, so I picked up your food. And also brought over my famous apple pie. I'll be in the kitchen FYI, please don't hit me with your baseball bat._ :)

In such a short time, Jared had come into his life and infiltrated all areas and this would be the point where Jensen felt smothered or like he was failing at being a good friend in return. Instead, he felt a wave of emotion, like the moment before the beat dropped and exploded into a million tiny pieces.

By the time he got downstairs, Jared was unpacking the takeout bags and rearranging them on the countertop. All Jensen could do was watch him and think how this is all he wanted. For this to be _real._ For them to be real. The intensity of his long hit him _hard_ and he stood there motionless, his tongue weighed down by his feelings.

He smiled awkwardly when Jared turned and spotted him.

"Oh, good. You're here. I should probably get going. I don't want to crash your family reunion."

"You can stay if you want," Jensen heard himself saying. "I might need someone to back me up when my mom brings up marriage and grandchildren."

Jared's face flushed, but he nodded. "Sure. I can stay. I'll get an extra plate."

"Is everything okay?" Jensen asked, hoping to dispel some for the nervous energy he was feeling.

"Yeah. It's fine. I'm fine."

The atmosphere changed when Jared's eyes flicked downward and Jensen stepped forward like he was being propelled by a magnet.

"Jared, I--" The doorbell rang and Jensen bit his lip and moved back. "That's them. I'll... I'll get the door."

Once his parents were settled in and they sat down to eat, his Mom didn't waste any time pouncing on Jared.

"So, Jared, how did you meet my antisocial son?"

" _Mom_." Jensen gave Jared an apologetic look, but it was returned with a smile.

"It's okay," Jared said. "I'm Kyle Green's stepbrother."

"Ah." His parents exchanged a familiar look. "How is Kyle anyway?"

Jared's smile dimmed at Jensen's mother's dry tone. "He's fine. From your voice, I take it you're not his biggest fan?"

Jensen shared a glance with his parents and shovelled some salad into his mouth. It's not that they didn't like Kyle, they were just set in their ways - and also they'd never forgiven him for breaking an antique vase that had been in the family for years.

"We like him when he's sober," Jensen's father said, although there was a wry smile on his face. "He still owes us several thousand dollars from when he broke an antique vase."

Jensen barely refrained from rolling his eyes. His dad _hated_ that vase, but he loved complaining even more.

"Ouch." Jared grinned. "I'll be sure to tell him. And hey, maybe we can find you a similar vase to make up for it. I know it's not the same, but why dwell on a bad memory when you can go out and create a new one?"

Jensen lowered his head and waited for his mother to dismiss Jared's suggestion, but to his surprise, she said, "We will do that, son. Thank you for the suggestion."

Jensen's father cleared his throat and chimed in then, asking, "So, what do you do for work, Jared?"

It dawned on him then that his parents thought he and Jared were _together_ and he sat there frozen, too nervous to clarify that they were just friends.

"I'm a graphic designer. If you ever want a logo, I'm your guy. Mostly I do boring, corporate things, but occasionally I freelance. It's why I was able to look after Jensen when he broke his ankle."

His mom reached out and squeezed Jared's hand. "We're both grateful that you took time off of your busy schedule to do so. I know he's not the easiest of patients."

"You can say that again. Luckily for me, he's _okay_ once he warms up to you."

Jensen's mother laughed, eyes softening when she said, "Yes, he is."

"So, son…" Jensen's father said. "You never did tell us _how_ you broke your ankle."

He'd still been in a brace at Christmas, but he'd redirected the conversation to the holidays anytime someone brought it up. Now, though, it seemed like his parents hearing the ugly truth was inevitable. Jensen groaned to himself and mentally prepared for the incoming lecture when Jared spoke up.

"It was just a freak accident at a bar. Luckily, it was a clean break and nothing too serious. Right, Jensen?"

"Right." Jensen met Jared's gaze and nodded gently, a quiet _thank you_ for having his back. "It's healed nicely now and I've put it behind me."

"Hmmm." His mother didn't seem too convinced, but her attention switched back to Jared. "So, Jared... tell us about yourself…"

+

Jensen's therapist, who really was called Quinn, seemed wary when he spent half an hour wondering why his parents were so enamoured with Jared. They'd never liked any of his friends before. Watching them laughing and joking with Jared had confused him.

Was it a sign that he and Jared were meant to be?

"I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like, I'll finally let myself fully relax around him and it'll be like so many of my other relationships. Over."

"So, you consider yourself to be in a _relationship_ with Jared?"

"No." Jensen shook his head. "... but I'm not naïve enough to call it friendship. There's something more. I like him. And I can tell he likes me too. My parents love him. Even Kyle is onboard the 'Jared and Jensen' train. It's just me, waiting at the station wondering if _I'm_ on the right platform."

Quinn smiled in that weird serene way she always did. "You have a way with words, Jensen."

"One of us has to keep this interesting."

She laughed, displaying two rows of gleaming, white teeth. "I have a question. If Jared came to you and told you he was seeing somebody else. How would you feel?"

The thought alone had Jensen's stomach doing somersaults even the most limber circus performer would be jealous of.

"I'd be upset. I'd feel like I missed my chance, but I'm _not_ supposed to feel like that, right? I have no ownership or claim on him. He's not mine."

"You're getting ahead of yourself again, Jensen. What's stopping you from pursuing this relationship? Or, to pick another aspect, changing your job?"

"... fear of the unknown, I guess?"

"The same fear of the unknown that got you the job you're doing now, or made you agree to stay with Jared while you recuperated? And one of those isn't where you'd like it to be, but... you came out of the second situation with a meaningful friendship."

Jensen pondered her words, seeing that she was right. He'd overcome those fears before and he could do so again - if he let himself.

"I've never looked at it like that."

"Sometimes we need to push ourselves in order not to get left behind, Jensen."

+

Jared's call came around midnight, halfway through Jensen's presentation preparation. His boss was still an asshole, but Jensen was determined to prove himself. The world of financial technology wasn't particularly exciting, but Jensen was good at it. In time, he'd branch out on his own, but for now, he would settle for kicking ass during his presentation.

Smiling to himself, he picked it up the call wondering what Jared wanted at this time of the night.

"Hey you, I hope you're not dancing on any bar tops," he said before Jared could speak.

Jared's chuckle reverberated down the line and right down to Jensen's eyes.

"... says the guy who's saved as 'Coyote Ugly' in my contacts list."

Jensen laughed, feeling free and happy that he could finally joke about his accident.

"I do need a favour, though," Jared continued. "My buddy, Chad and our friend Katie are at this house party. Or we were. And our designated driver kind of ditched us."

"... _we never should have trusted Justin to keep up his end of the bargain…"_

Jensen didn't recognise the voice in the background but assumed it was Chad. He was surprised to hear that Justin was still in the picture. Jared had never brought him up. Nor did he act like someone who was still dealing with their ex-partner.

For the first time, Jensen wondered if he knew Jared as well as he thought he did.

"Anyway, could you pick us up?" Jared paused and his voice was low when he added, "I'll understand if you can't."

"No, I can. I mean _yes_. I'll pick you up. Text me the address and I'll be there."

"Thank you, Jensen. I owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything. What are friends for, right?"

It took Jensen an hour to reach the address of the house party, drop off Chad and Katie before driving back to his apartment. It was more out of necessity than any desire to have Jared at his apartment. The presentation he'd dropped to run to Jared's aid was important and he had a few points to add to his slides before he went to sleep.

Still, the first thing he did when they reached his place was grab a couple of beers from the fridge, handing one to Jared before they sat on the couch. Jensen wanted to play it cool and act like the Justin thing didn't bother him, but he _couldn't._

"So, Justin was supposed to drive you home?"

Jared's eyes dimmed and he looked at his lap, digging his sock-clad foot into Jensen's carpet like he wanted to disappear into the ground.

"What happened, Jared?" Jensen asked when the silence grew and took the tension brewing along with it. "Is everything okay?"

"Justin... he's that one person you know will never be good enough for you, yet... you keep giving them chances. I keep hoping he'll be the guy I once knew, but I know that guy wasn't real. Isn't real."

"What did he do?" Jensen took a swig of his beer to hide the fact he wished he could give Justin a piece of his mind for making Jared look so damn _vulnerable._

"After you saw us at breakfast that day, we patched things up and agreed to be _friends_ and then he…"

"He what?" Jensen picked the conversation when Jared trailed off, understanding that it was _his_ turn to be the sounding board and ensure Jared knew he could confide in him.

"Let's just say he made it seem like I've been hooking up with _you_ and stringing him along."

"Oh." Jensen couldn't help laughing. "He sounds like a charmer."

"I know I should have told you, but I was ashamed, I guess?" Jared swallowed, and there was pain in his voice. It was clear how this had been eating him up for several weeks and Jensen reached over and grabbed his hand.

"When it comes to me, you _never_ have to feel that way. I might be an asshole, but I'm a fair one. Most of the time."

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I guess I just didn't like the way he diminished what we have. You mean more to me than I could have imagined, and I guess I lost it. I told him I never want to see him again and he left."

Jensen squeezed Jared's hand. "Sounds like he got what he had coming. And...You mean a lot to me too, Jared. I'm glad you're in my life."

They didn't speak much after that, and while draining their beers, they watched a late-night rerun of CSI for an hour before Jensen realised he had to go to bed. The last thing he needed was to fuck up his presentation by falling asleep halfway through.

"You can crash here if you want," Jensen said once he'd taken care of their empty beer bottles. "I've got pillows, blankets, sheets in the storage cupboard at the end of the hallway. Help yourself to anything you want."

"Thank you, Jensen," Jared said. "Sleep tight."

+

Jared stumbled into the kitchen at seven am, yawning and blinking rapidly. His hair was sticking up in a million directions and his clothes were rumpled, but he still took Jensen's breath away.

_Focus,_ Jensen told himself, turning back to the stack of pancakes he'd been making. After Jared's hospitality, it was the least he could do. Although, he couldn't help being amused at how the tables had turned.

"Breakfast is served," he said, with a dramatic flourish. "I hope you like pancakes.'

Jared's face flushed. "You didn't need to do all this, Jensen."

"You didn't need to do it for me, but you did. This is nothing."

Jensen sat down at the table and opened his laptop, quickly finding his PowerPoint slides so he could go over them one more time. His boss had been on better behaviour since Jensen returned to the office, but he was determined to prove himself. It was like his therapist said - fear of the unknown was holding him back, but that was what life was all about.

All he could do was his best and focus on the _present._

Jared looked up from his pancakes and cleared his throat. "I hope I'm not disturbing you? I can tell you're stressing over something."

"I have to give a presentation at work today," Jensen said. "It's okay, though. I'm done. Just adding a few last-minute touches."

"Oh, God. And I came in here and disrupted everything."

"It's okay. Like I'd leave you standing on the side of the street."

Jared smiled and rubbed at the back of his neck like he was embarrassed about something.. "You know, last ni--"

The doorbell sounded before he could finish and Jensen gave him an apologetic look before he went to answer. Standing on his doorstep was Katie, Jared's friend from the previous night.

"Hi, Katie."

She flipped her long blonde hair and grinned at him. "Hi! I'm here to pick up Jared."

"Oh, sure," Jensen said. "He's just in the kitchen. I made pancakes. You're welcome to join us."

Katie offered him an unabashed smirk, almost like she thought they'd gotten up to something during the night. "Well, I'm sure he's happy about that."

"Yeah…" Jensen trailed off, not comfortable saying more. Especially with his mind focused on work. The last thing he wanted was to make a bad impression on one of Jared's friends.

"Thank you for picking us up last night!" Katie said. "After Justin left, Jared was going to call a cab, but Chad was like, _'just call Jensen. He's crazy about you. I'll guarantee you he'll show up no questions asked_ '. I thought it was Chad being Chad, but... he's right, isn't he? You _are_ crazy about him. In a good way."

Jensen found himself fidgeting awkwardly. "Maybe."

"Yeah, well, I like you. If you and Jared ever get a clue, you've got my approval."

Jensen couldn't help the chuckle that escaped from his lips. "I didn't know that we needed it."

"Honey, after Justin? You needed it. Chad and I were about to come up with an advanced and overly complicated screening process before your name started popping up."

"You _were_?"

"Yeah. Turns out we didn't need to. Jared's been different lately. Happier. Freer. And that's down to you. So, you know, consider this your warning. Not that you need it. I can tell you feel the same about him."

From the kitchen, Jared yelled, "Katie, stop hogging Jensen, he needs to go to work!"

Jensen glanced at his watch and grimaced. "He's right. I have to go."

"So go." Katie grinned. "He'll be here when you get back."

+

After _crushing_ his presentation, Jensen texted Jared back and forth during his lunch break and they agreed to meet for drinks at the end of the day. With the conversation he had with Katie playing on his mind, his confidence bled into anxiety and he wondered if he was cut out for this. Another relationship that had the potential to fail. Or worse, losing Jared if it all went wrong.

Losing _Kyle_.

Still, he knew he had to take his chances. Someone as great as Jared wouldn't wait for him to man up forever. He planned a speech in his mind and promptly forgot every word when they slid into their booth at the bar, a nice high-end sports lounge filled with twenty and thirty-somethings complete with a quiet and relaxed atmosphere.

They spoke about Jensen's presentation for a while, before Jared admitted he'd not done any work over the day.

"I just wasn't feeling it, I guess. Decided to give myself the day off."

"Hey, isn't that the perk of being your own boss?"

"Exactly." Jared was smiling, but Jensen picked up on the tension, and the way it wasn't as bright as usual.

"What happened to the client you had? The one who was nitpicking and offering no suggestions when you asked what the issues were? Didn't you say he called you twelve times once?"

Jared was quiet for a moment, allowing the sultry jazz music to filter into Jensen's consciousness. "I can't believe you remembered that."

Jensen didn't miss a beat because this was _it_. This was his moment of truth. "I remember everything you tell me."

"Well then…" Jared drew the words out, shifting closer to Jensen without breaking eye contact. "Let's add one more thing to the list."

Jared leaned in and kissed him, slow and sweet, but with enough passion to leave Jensen's heart racing. Jensen was slow to respond, gradually opening up when it dawned on him that this was _real_. Jared's lips were on his. They tasted like apples and cinnamon and the spiciness of Jared's cologne tickled his throat. Their mouths moved against each other, like two halves of a whole finally glad to be home. Something fluttered in Jensen's chest and he felt a telltale tingle sneak up his spine.

Thankfully, Jared pulled away, reaching out to caress Jensen's neck, a simple brush of fingers that caused him to shiver gently.

Leaning back in, Jared said, "Why did we wait so long to do that?"

"Some things are worth waiting for," Jensen replied, unable to focus on anything _but_ Jared who was so close their lips met again briefly, noses tangling when they separated once more.

Jared's laughter was breathy and soft like he was just as amazed as Jensen was.

"I know talking about this stuff isn't what we do, but I like you, Jensen. A lot. I know you're worried about Kyle, or how things will turn out down the line, but--"

Jensen silenced Jared with a finger on his lips, brushing the pad of his thumb against his Cupid's bow. "I like you a lot too, Jared. And I'd like to give this a chance. Give _us_ a chance."

"So, let's do it." Jared fiddled with the straw that came with his appletini. "Does that make this our first date?"

"I feel like we had our first unofficial date a long time ago, but as far as _official_ dates go, then, yeah. This is our first date."

"Good." Jared ducked his head, hiding the way his lips were twisted into a coy smile. "That's good."

" _We're_ good," Jensen said, reaching out to pull Jared's hand into his own.

"Yeah." Jared intertwined their fingers together and held their joined hands up between them. "We are."

+

Six months later, Jensen was living in a new apartment - _alone,_ but he planned to surprise Jared with a key for his birthday - and he was putting some last-minute touches to the front room. He'd added some framed photographs of him and Jared, put up the 'Home Sweet Home' sign Jared bought as a housewarming gift, and all he had left to do was to finish the lighting.

He was up on a table, screwing in a bulb into a light fixture when his foot caught an empty box and he faltered and fell backwards…

...landing directly in Jared's arms.

"Are you okay?" Jared peered at him closely before he set him down, hands all over him as he checked him for any marks or bruises.. "What is it with you and tables?"

"You caught me." Jensen was breathless from the fall, but his heart swooped low in his chest.

"I'll always catch you." Jared leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead. "... but that doesn't mean you need to put it into practise. Next time, wait for me to get here?"

"I will." Jensen kissed him then, slow and sweet, tongues dancing around each other until they came up for air.

There was only one thing left to say, so he did.

"I love you, Jared."

It's the first time he'd said it, even though Jared dropped the L bomb early on into their relationship. After years of jumping the gun, Jensen took his time and waited until he felt he could say the words without having a single iota of doubt.

Jared's eyes widened, first with surprise and then unbridled joy. "I love you, too. I mean, obviously…"

Jensen's mouth curved into a sly grin. "Obviously."

Jared shook his head, the way he always did when Jensen teased him, but there was something else in it. A hidden emotion that Jensen couldn't place.

"What is it?" Jensen asked. "Is everything okay?"

"You know, this is going to sound crazy, but I _always_ had a little crush on you, and when Kyle asked for my help there was no way I would have said no. I just... knew I had to take a chance on you. On _us_ and... sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I'd said no."

"I'm glad you didn't, Jared. You've been such a light in my life and... I don't know what I'd do without you."

"It's a good thing that I'm not going anywhere then, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Jensen said around a smile. "It is."

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Happy Belated Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone! ❤


End file.
